A few years ago I opened myself up to a friend in a way that was new to me. I shared my dreams. I shared my demons. We laughed. We played. We cried. He asked me tough questions about my past, my present and my future. Most importantly, he held space for me to be who I needed to be in any given moment, and he believed in the person I wanted to become. I needed him. I loved him. He was Magic.
When he left this world for the next one I shut down. I cried. I drank. I lashed out against others. I hurt myself physically and emotionally. I danced with my demons and forgot about my dreams. I didn’t know what else to do, or how to handle myself. For more than a year I was stuck in a darkness I had created and I didn’t know how to pull myself out. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if I even wanted to pull myself out; no one can see you in the dark.
After some self-love and healing I decided it was time to open the windows and let in the sunshine. I could no longer stay where I was, I needed to move forward. I started opening up again. I cried. I laughed. I shared myself. The love that was poured out over and through me was overwhelming. More Magic. I started remembering my dreams and the person I wanted to be. I decided to start doing the things I told Max I wanted to do. The things I needed to do.
I applied to grad school and got accepted into an incredible program. Three weeks ago I quit my soul-sucking job after more than four years (still working PT on the projects I want to work on) and spent time with the people I love. Today I leave for a three-month solo trip around Europe. I’ll meet some old friends along the way and hopefully makes new ones. I’ll read, write, play, create, sleep, eat and explore.
After years of talking, I am finally doing. I couldn’t be more excited. I’m ready to take flight. I’m ready to believe in my own Magic.
Thank you, Max.
(Max’s last Instagram post)